I told you I didnt want you to ask me to marry you. Now I wish you would. I cannot think about life without you.

There was a day I would have died for you. Now all I think about are ways to kill you.

I'm too old for you, but I like the way the world looks with you in it.
I'm being selfish.

Every time I watch the chips fall in the vending machine I pretend that they're jumping off a ledge and committing suicide.

Here is a secret that the ladies wont't understand. Standing around the water bottle is most unflatering. Take a hint,Gosip somewhere else