I found out he killed himself. It's been 12 years since ive seen that face. I miss him so much even though he wasnt mine after all those years. I cry sometimes.

BY THE TIME A MAN REALIZES THAT MAYBE HIS FATHER WAS RIGHT, HE USUALLY HAS A SON THAT THINKS HE IS WRONG.

If I had the power to change *anything* with us, I would not. It made us stronger, and it made us "us". I love how you make me crazier than I already am. Yes.

I have been having bad anxiety attacks for the last few days. I feel it so bad in my chest. I cant sleep.

I have some sort of eating problem. At night I have to get up and eat something, some nights it's several times a night, otherwise I cannot go back to sleep.