I once used my mom's vibrator, until I got my own.

Married 10 years goes to the bar w/o me and post his location and says come have beer with me who the fuck does he think hes kidding asshole a! Asshole

My bros wife had twin boys but they aint his... His count was too low, but big brothers wasnt. We agreed, he never knows about the "turkey baster babies"

I'm really 8 years older than I say I am.

My wife thinks I love ketchup. I really don't. I just can't stand her food.