I told you that I was cool with just being friends, but you have no idea how much I regret telling you this. I want you so much now, but you ignore the signs.

While in a Barnes & Noble, I spit my gum into the middle of Ann Coulter's new book. I then put it back on the shelf.

I guess you could say I hate the b****.

Every time a girl breaks up with me but tells me I am "the best guy" I want to kill them. They're always too inexperienced to want to share my life with me.

I love my cats more than any human.

I secretly ENVY anyone who does not have to worry about money - I ENVY them to the point of making myself sick at times....