I've been saving myself for 25 years for my future wife, but inside I just want to get with every woman I see.

Last week when you answered the door, I know you were expecting Trick or Treat. But there was a bag Burning on the Steps LOL. I saw you stop it out.

the secret isn't mine, but yours... it was you! it was you all along!!!

I love how my guitar sounds in the bathroom. I wrote my best song while coaxing out a monstrous dump. True story...it's very relaxing.

My wife cheated 2 yr ago last week,w/her friend who was an alcoholic coke head.She just got a call he has been missing for a week.Hmm wonder what happened....;)