you are not going anywhere and you know it. idle theats
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Iknow this feeling. My father is a racist, I do not want my children near him. BUT who am I to deny them of the love of theri grandparents. Thought they are flawed in an obvious way they have momentws of tender love, plus aside from that he tok care of me. Thats what parents are for...to guide. When your child hears or sees something horrible...the parent is their to reasure and let know what the correct way is.
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good for you! i had to do the same damn thing. it hurts but it is for the best.
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I am the poster. It's not an idle threat it's already happened. She will go for months without so much as a phone call to see how they are. She didn't even meet my son till he was 4 months old. I have a daughter who is 5 and she is starting to question why my mother isn't around. I won't have my kids question what it is about themselves that makes "grandma" stay away. My kids deserve better. I will go to the ends of the Earth to protect them and if that means cutting her out then so be it. There is no love for them from my mother, if there was she would want to be a part of their lives on a regular basis, as it is my mother hasn't seen or talked to my kids in 4 months, she hasn't even tried.
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Well why not take the initiative and call your mom. You already know your mom is stubborn, So call her instead and let the grudge go. free yourself from the pain it is causing you. ONly you can do that.
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Why do you feel an undue loyalty to a person who is toxic?Because they are a parent. That is no reason to maintain a relationship. Cut the ties that bind.
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I am the poster. I just want to say I don't lay awake at night and think about something happening to her. I lay awake thinking about what I did to deserve the way she treats me and my children. I am not acting petty and selfish despite what you may believe. I have reached out to her several times only to be rejected over and over again. A heart can only take so much. At this rate with the stress and anxiety she causes me I will be the one with the heart attack. If there were reasons behind her actions such as drugs and alcohol I would be able to over look the things she does. As it is there is no reason and I am tired of me and my kids being her personal doormat.
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You said you removed them from her, but it sounds to me like she removed you and your kids first. Like your boss saying you're fired and telling them you quit. I think she beat you to it and you're just making it like it's your idea to console yourself. And hey, if that makes it better, that's ok.
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What you are doing is a cop out. You are denying your children the right to know and love their grandparents. It is wrong. You think you are protecting your children, but you are only using your children as a tool to revenge your mother. If your mother is toxic, then teach your children the difference. Be honest and factual, treat your children as human beings, you will get much more mileage out of the situation. Your mother may be totally pleasant and completely behaved with her grandbabies. She may pose no threat to them of any kind. Let your children learn to distinguish the difference. In this situation, your children need you to guide them, not seclude them and take from them what they deserve. DO NOT USE CHILDREN AS TOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!
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Poster here. All I can say is screw you. This isn't a cop out. If she wanted a relationship with my kids she would have one. I didn't hold the kids back till my 5 yo asked me why Grandma didn't come around, when I told her I wasn't sure she said "doesn't she like me?" I will be damned if my 5 yo daughter is going to start questioning her self worth because my mother doesn't have the ability to form stable relationship. I am not using my children as tools, I am stopping her from using them as tools. Unless you have been in my shoes don't put in your two cents. So tell me how is my 5 yo supposed to distinguish the difference when she already thinks it's because of her? Coming around once every 6 months doesn't make her a loving grandparent, now does it.
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Gee my son's grandparents only saw him maybe once a year, and I didnt have an issue with it. Everytime sombody doesn't like your kid, you going to remove them too so she never has to deal with life? You are one of "those" mothers...I pity your daughter.
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I am the poster. Just so the question is answered. I do call her when and if contact is made. My mother isn't stubborn. And I don't have a grudge, I have just come to terms with how things are and will always be with her. As a parent it's my job to save my kids from forseeable harm. That's simply what I am doing.As for the loyalty, I did feel a sense of loyalty toward her because she is my mother. However when her actions started to affect my kids I let it go. I am a mother first. It does hurt and I still lay awake at night wondering what it is that I did to deserve this from her. I don't have an answer, I don't drink, do drugs and the only thing I have asked for in the past 8 years since I left home has been a constant relationship with her. It's hard to understand if you don't have this problem. For those of you who have supported me I thank you!
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oh man, we could talk. haven't spoken to my mother in 7 years. she is the most ridiculously judgmental and negative person i've ever encountered. she has been all my life. if i ever confronted her with the shitty way that she was a mother, she just shrugged it off as my problem, not hers. she even goes so far as referring to herself as a 'positive' person, while stabbing every individual in the back that has ever crossed her path. so, i look at it this way. she used up her last ticket.
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i have talked to therapists about this, as i have the same situation. they say that my mother has a deep-seated insecurity that manifests itself into feelings of inadequacy and envy for a daughter that may have done better than her in her life. could this be your scenario?
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WOW!!! Seems like I have more mothers than I thought...I can SOOOO relate to the way you guys feel...I too have cut off all contact with my mother and my children..I only wish someone had done the same with me decades ago..maybe I wouldn't be so f***ed up now...
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Stop and think. You lay awake now imagine if something happens to her. You will realize you are being petty and selfish. My mother drove me crazy with the drugs the drinking the abusive men, so I cut off contact for 4 months. Guess what happened? Massive heart attack. Deal with it.
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The club is getting bigger. Some you tell this too will see your action through their own fear, that one day their own children will reject them and will look down at you for doing a very hard and very necessary thing. Know that those people have not ever seen the depths you have seen and that you are making the right choice.
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