52 myself
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The therapy advice is worthwhile. I'm 55 (male) and it took me until just as few years ago to go, thanks to a wonderful understanding (2nd) wife. It's more about understanding why we are the way we are and why we react to things the way we do. Once that's understood, all the fear that is at the root of it goes away and we are then able to make the changes we need to to be te kind of person we want to be instead of the one they forced us to be way back then.
Going to therapy doesn't make you a weakling, it empowers you and works wonders. It puts the power back in your hands and takes it away from those that still control you.....even after this may years.
Good Luck.
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25 myself. And you are all wussies! Lets get real life is hard. Nothing new and nothing thats ever gonna change? Nobobdy forced you to be anyone (male) Life makes us who we are, but nobody can make you do anything? Or be anything you dont want to be. I have an identical twin who is living proof. Life is what you make it, not what it makes you.
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I look at my childhood as a gift.Abuse and neglect were everyday.As an adult I have learned to be a better person and even a better parent.All steps lead to becoming a better person if we choose:-)
Peace to you.
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Try writing it down. Put in your feelings or what you would have said to the person at the time. Sometimes WE are the only ones that can help US. Treat yourself well. Give yourself a foot rub. Stay away from negitive people. You can grow past this. I did.
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Find a quiet place and think back to all those times as an observer--try to remove the emotion from it.(Its hard)Realize that you were a child and had no control over the situation and are not to blame for any of it. Try to see the generational cycle and where it came from.Tell yourself that all of it is in the past now and can no longer hurt you. Forgive yourself and let go... vow that you will never make anyone feel like you were made to feel--try to be the best you, you can be.Whatever you weren't taught about love, compassion, understanding,emotions,etc is now for you to discover.Recognizing that is the biggest step.Love yourself for who you are and for who you are trying to become-- realize you no longer have to be a victim.Give yourself time, remove yourself from toxic people,keep trying. These are the things that work best for me.
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I was in the same boat,36 years for me and walked right back in to it with my first marriage. Now I am a counselor helping others after I did find the peace myself. Please, please go talk to someone and get on the road to peace. It is a hard road to walk for a little while but I promise you it gets easier and this road to peace is nothing compared to the road you have come from! I have never forgotten the pain I went through, not for a day but today I can think about it and not die inside! I wish you the best !!
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I am 38 years old and still cry when I remember how my mother treated me.
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I am 53 yrs. and 3 days old, married for 25 years this year. Mom was a screamer and a slapper, always hiding her desire to be softer and kinder. (Her life growing up was no cakewalk either). Dad was just the opposite, loving, understanding, and generally strong, (except when it came to dealing with his wife, who he always tried to get along with). Childhood for me was unpredictable, painful, and joyful, if all those things can exist at the same time. At best, I grew up confused and socially inept. I married a woman I thought my mother would like(it's so strange)at 27. I thought she would be happy and approve of me. Instead, she abused my wife as well. It took that final insult and about 5 years to begin healing. I vowed never to subject my wife or children to her anger or insults again and I took my first stand in my life. Feeling like a cub being chased away by it's mother, I left for the last time. My wife and children and my own desire to get better pulled me out of that deep well that the childhood of abuse had me in. It wasn't easy and I'm still not perfect, but thinking about it doesn't control me anymore. I own me now. You will own yourself too but you have to take those first steps and understand that we can do it. It will heal..
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45 years old and still struggling with it too. Amazing how much hurt and anger can stay with someone for so long.
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48 years for me. Thanks for the op to share. I really need it. Nobody understands. Can't keep a relationship because of it. Can't trust anyone and always revert to the old adage "if you want it done right, do it yourself". Still doing it myself.
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The thing that really amazes me , is how easy the abuser can forget the past. I think they should help in some way to help ease the pain caused by someone who is considered a loved one.
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im sorry to hear that.
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Chilling
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Been there, and 43 years later I have 3 children of my own. I make a point to hug them and love them everyday. I made a desision that "this cycle of abuse" STOPS with ME. I never want my children to have to suffer like I did...
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I am 64 and fear the end of life....I wish I could go back in time when bith parents were whipping me at the same time....I have never married and am a loner...
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continued.....I remember when I was 11 years old and had a very strong belief in aliens and flying saucers from all the movies playing in the 50's...I remember sneaking out of the house at night and going to an empty field a few blocks from the house and standing on my toes and closed my eyes and said " take me, take me"...I was hoping to be lifted off the earth by them and I was prepared to go and never utter a sound of fear if my body would have started to lift up. I was very sad they did not take me and went home. I believe that I could have had a better life if only I had .00000000000001% of luck but I had none.
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My sister called a few years back to tell me our father died that morning. I felt nothing,that has bothered me since.
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dont let it haunt you!
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My father worked 3-11 p.m. and my mother was mentally abusive to all three of us kids. She died 29 years ago when I was 15 years old. My father has no idea how she was. All of us three kids are scared for life.
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You never forget but you will never truly begin to live if you are always stuck in the past. Is it worth it to let them steal your adulthood too?
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I'm 25 and never want kids cause I might put them through the same things I went through
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Get over it. Fuggitaboutit. YOU are responsible for YOU. Nobody else is.
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it follows you forever, but try to get past it, don't let the assholes win.
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My first grade teacher was my guardian angel. She moved often from school to school as she advanced in her career. Every time I really needed someone I would "pop" up at the same school as she.I thank GOD for her.
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I can relate. I don't think it will ever go away for me. It helps me to make better decisions for my kids to ensure the cycle isn't repeated.
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i wouldnt want to go back to mine either, im so glad my girls have know idea of that life style, it was hell.me and my brother broke that chain.
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im 36 and still reliving it everyday. just stay focused on yourself and find some goals to reach. success is the best revenge! they didnt break you.
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Get over it, life ain't fair. If you have your health, can read and write you can start new. This is a chance most people never get. Nothing to hold you back. Look for a good grace church. Many on the internet. Try butnow.org. You and GOD, what else do you need? Wishing you well.
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I know two girls who were abused by their older brother. They grew up and left the house anf got married and have children. I often wonder how they feel about their older brother after not living with him for over 40 years. I heard he got injured so bad in a motorcycle accident that he can no longer work. Wre his sisters sad or happy that it happened? I used to live next door to the family and the girls told me everything.
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I'm 28 a 28 year old male, this made me cry because it hit me way too close to home.
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50 and still struggle with it.
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Brave secret. This is a good start. If you have good friends, talk to them about how you feel. There are far more stories like this than you would imagine. My childhood was like a 50's TV show, and there is still pain there effecting my sister, and me, and we are in our 60's. Counseling could help, if you can do that. Good luck.
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I've been through hell sister let me tell you, sexual abuse etc, but unil you can forgive them in your own time and way you can get over it , it will still haunt you but you will never completely forget! Good luck and God bless.
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41 year old female here. Sorry for your pain.
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im 40, male. i still daydream about being a kid-- many times i laugh, and wish to relive a moment. but those daydreams that revolve around family make me want to crawl into a corner.
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I am 27 and still dealing with it.
I try to make sure I give my kids a better childhood than I had and give myself a good adulthood because I have control over that, we did not have control when we were kids. We just need to make the best of it all, life goes on.
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Hey look everyone, life is tough distraction will help. Go fishing or something the more free time you have the more you dwell on things. Do you know I cannot even remember anything under the age of 10, counceling is just a way for some collage educated self perclaimed know it all to take all your hard earned money, and of course they will have to have 100 sessions at $50.00 hr.
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ask yourself if you are that weak.why things hurt you ? dont let them.start working on it by saying ; "hey you f***ing feeling you dont hurt me"
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I'm 48 I was molested and slapped around by older brother.I left as soon as could and worked on starting a new life. Have been with hubbie 29 years and have a wonderful 18 year that I smother with love.I actually never went to a counselor tried it but didn't have family support.I still cry sometimes mainly when I hear about kids going through it.You have to love yourself before you can let others love you too. Godspeed.
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you people are awesome. God bless you and I hope things get better.
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