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I am so afraid of being betrayed or abandoned that I push people away before they get close.  I'm alone & forced to face myself, a person who I really hate.

I am so afraid of being betrayed or abandoned that I push people away before they get close. I'm alone & forced to face myself, a person who I really hate.

 
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Category: secrets

 
it happened in me, betrayed in a worst way possible.
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Don't I'm sure there is more to you than what you want to see.
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Plant a flower. Grow something beautiful. Learn to cross stitch. Make something beautiful. The joy of accomplishment will take your mind off of yourself. When you surround yourself with beauty, you too become beautiful.
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I think that I have the same problem.
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The answer doesn't lie in ourselves as if we were self sufficient, we were created to be codependent on God. Thats the real truth!!! There is a program called Hope in the night from 10 pm to 12 am everyday, I will get all the info and come back to your post to give it to you, be strong!!! Theres Hope!!!
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there?s no god. sometimes or many times happened/d. but i stil have to beleive in love and happy end.
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if you feel that you are a good person, ask God to send you the person that you deserve. when i was almost finished and i was not relly sure that i am a good one anymore, I ask God to send me only the person that i deserve. soon after that, i meet the most amusing human being, i was almost forced into marriage and we are together fot almost nineteen beautiful years. i dom't believe in God, but i cannot say that God dosen't exist. if you are a good person God is probably iside of your soul and hope it's on the way.
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Diddo
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More people understand your pain than you know, including me. I don't know how to stop being this way.
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Thank you for posting this secret. I was immediately drawn to it by shared relation, and after a little research into avoidant personality disorder, I feel this is worthy of discussion. I want to try to improve on myself through cognitive behavioral therapy, or by another complementary form of treatment. Thank you also for giving this a name. I wasn't able to articulate how I felt. At least now I know where my opponent lies.
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Just know that you can change into a person that you love. What characteristics do you most respect in a person? Make those your qualities. Set goals for yourself and make them happen. You deserve amor de soi. alexmartin78@gmail.com
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ditto but i love myself, i remember that i am pretty cool, a dork really
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I am the same. I want to be loved aso much but feel unloveable. I hate myself
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I am just like you!
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OMG YOU SHOULD SOO TALK TO ME>... My yahoo is Dr.phil_is_a_pimp ( that is my real yahoo name iv had it for 2 years....|)
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I feel the same way.
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This is called Avoidant Personality Disorder. There are effective treatments, you just have to seek them out. Good luck.
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we (the 'I' you speak of...)are all alone, and alone always. No two people can occupy the same space in the same time - just get used to visiting!
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Ithought I was the only one. The drinks stop the nervous shakes.
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My son asks me if there is a Santa claus, I told him honestly there is...so he said that all the other children say he is not real...to that I asked him if he got present from santa, to which he replied he did and if santa did not exist would he get presents, he thought and responded that kids tell him that parents buy the toys, but would parents buy the toys if not for santa... The question of being alone and being hurt is related to the question of the existence of god... Faith is all we have to go on, with it we can form communities and be something greater then just ourselves in fact the faith itself builds us the god we seek. Without belief there is no hope, no order, no communities, no laws,etc... the truely faithful are never harmed by their beliefs, and loose notheing by believing.
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I wish I could say I didn't, but I know how you feel. Every day I wake up and know the hardest thing I'll have to do is try and face myself. Thing is, as I've gotten older... I find it harder and harder. And all I want to do is crawl in a hole or hide so no one will see me. Unfortunately, I can't run away from me.
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My ex-wife had the exact same problem...I think it was the root cause of our divorce. I know for her, it was caused by traumatic experinces in her childhood. If this is true for you, I would seek help. If you don't want to like my ex, then get involved in something you would never think of doing (sky diving, surfing, basket weaving, etc.). You'll learn so much about yourself and find new reasons to be happy and live again.
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It may actually be that deep inside, you fear that they will never know how wonderful you really are. I have those feelings too!
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me too - glad I'm not alone, but sad that somebody else feels this way too
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There are more that feel this way than known. I am one. I know I have alot to offer, but I am so afraid that someone won't feel/see me.
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this is exactly me.
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i see betrayals and don't have the ability to just "shake things off"; i'm not ashamed.. i AM shame.
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When I lose myself in loving and serving another, I am fulfilled. This happens whether I'm feeding our fish, petting my dog, combing my daughters hair, giving a cheerful greeting when I acknowledge someone over the phone, or saying "Hey, nobodys' perfect!" and totally forgiving an offense, realizing that I too am human, very imperfect, and needing and receiving more breaks than I deserve also.
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You need to consider its always a chance. Like Rolling the dice. Nazareth said, "Love Hurts", and it will and does for all at one point or another, so knowing this, open up and give it a try. You already feel terrible so you got nothing to lose, maybe you will get lucky.
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That's ridiculous. Just like most of the secret-tellers here, you create hell for yourself, choose to live in it, and then you have this horrible secret. You already have the power to change all that, and you know it.
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oh god I feel the same way. to the person who posted about avoidant personality disorder, thanks. That totally sounds like me. D:
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