Well, what is it? That's the real secret you need to share with someone else besides knuckle draggers on this site. I'm sorry about your mom. I lost mine when I was a kid.
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It's better that you remember because if you keep hiding and running from it then it will haunt you from your subconscious. You will sleep again and heal from the pain of it. I know because it happened to me too. These days I am trying to remember and own everything. We are strong and can handle it all now.
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I invested years and money trying to remember my dreams. I got good at it. But my dreams were nightmares. Frustration and evil things I did in the past and felt guilty for. It backfired for me.
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^You did some evil things but that doesn't make you evil. Move past the guilt and forgive yourself. Make amends where you can to those you harmed. If you can do those things, remembering will be worth it because you healed yourself.
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yeah, we repress things for a reason.good luck.
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