i know what ya mean but in the dad position though.
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you gotta be shitting me, same bullshit happened to my brother and sister in law. my bro and his wife (very nice lady) took care of the kids for years, and the cunt shows up f***ing 6 yrs later.....if i woulda i coulda thats all i have to say
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I know what you mean....
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Believe me when i tell you that they are just happy to see her but inside they will always know what she did.. BELIEVE ME!!
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She is just wrong. One of my best friends has raised her husband of 5 years for the past 6 years. They were 3, 2, and 11 months. Their real mother walked when the baby was 6 weeks old, because of crack. I hope she never shows up!
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those kids are biologically half that woman. When they look in the mirror..they SEE her. We all want to know WHO we are...part of that is identifying with our biological parents. The worst thing you can do is let them know how upset you are. That would only shame them for loving their messed up bio mom. They know who is authentic. YOU ARE.
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^ no that's wrong and I disagree completely. The kids are probably old enough to deal with feelings and so if it upsets you then let them know it does hurt, not that you hate them or anything but let them understand how you feel. They can still love their crappy biological mom and forgive her... you don't have to be fake about it. It's a messed up situation. This happened with some family members recently and what was worse was that the selfish a** **** mid life crisis husband went back to the mom as well! It really sucks when people are so self absorbed and crappy parents.
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Know that story quite well. Bio mom is on her 4th divorce and always chooses a loser pig over her own kids. She shows up at birthday parties and school functions like she's mother Theresa and in reality she's used, abused and diseased. Nice mother that is but hey, the kids are grown.. they know what's going on. Sure we all make mistakes but one after the other, year after year, decade after decade? Gross... some women are just lousy mothers!
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This a horrible situation to be in, but hang in there. You may be angry at her, and maybe the kids are too, but children have a funny way of loving their parents no matter what they have done. Give her a chance... Maybe she has made some changes. If not, time will soon tell and your kids will know the truth.
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To the OP: 2^ said it perfectly. I've been in your shoes. Raised the stepson from age 9 to 16. Birthmom showed up when she felt like it, often unexpected n then stood up the kid after promising to see him when she felt like it. He ran away at 16 to live w/her because he wanted a "no rules" lifestyle. Maybe someday he'll wake up.
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Just know in your heart that YOU are the best thing for them. And they know it too, and one day you will get the reconition you deserve.. trust me. They love you, and know that they can count on you everyday. Just let her come and go, but deep down they know you are their mom.
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If their mother came back for them, then perhaps it would be wise to support her rather than feel jealous. A mother and child reunion should always be nurtured. You obviously raised them, and they know that and it sounds like a good thing you did, but it's also important for the mom to feel the support as well to help their relationship.
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Sometimes its just not a good idea to welcome a "mother" back. In my case, I am the step mom but raised her for the last 11 yrs, her real mom is a very disfunctional,insecure person filled with hatred for my husband and goes to great lengths to tell her 13 yr old daughter just how much she dispises him and used her daughter as a toy. So no it's not always best for a mother child reunion.
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^^ Two up...I really don't think it's jealousy as much as it is the UNFAIRNESS of it all. To the OP, bite your tongue and bide your time. They think she's a queen now, but they will NEVER forget who their REAL mother is. It may take some time, but I've lived through it. He treats her very special on days like Mother's Day, but brings his every day life to me, and I'd rather have that than any Mother's Day gift.
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Exactly what does she have to be jealous over? The fact that she is a way better mother? Sometimes a "mother" can do more damage than good. So think before you post.
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To OP, it happens more than you think. It's also very painful when you've given time, emotions, time, money, time and your heart and some lousy bio mom comes back in the picture and now your shit. I know this from experience and it can be painful.
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