It's okay to hate f-ed up people.
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youre right, dont forgive them. they tried to do something horrible to you and you have every right to be mad. so be mad, but realize that they wont care that youre mad so all youre doing is upsetting yourself. they will never apologize. be as mad and hateful as you want, but one day you'll have to stop and you'll see that you should have let go a long time ago. but by all means be mad.
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my cousin told me when we were younger that my little brother tried to molest her. i didnt believe her til one day while she was spending the night that little bastard had the balls to come into my room where she was sleeping and tried to get her to come with him. i listened to him talk to her and i heard her tell him no i was sick to my stomach he thought i was asleep but i got up and punched him in the face and threw him out of my room. i put my cousin in my bed and i slept on the floor i didnt sleep the whole night. i feel so stupid for not believing her and even though she says shes forgiven me i told her i will make it up to her everyday for the rest of my life. we are still close.
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how old was the brother? has he had therapy since then? how long ago was this?
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I hate that everyone says you should forgive, as though we haven't freakin given enough of our self esteem, our soul, our lives to these people. I'm not giving them a damn thing. Screw them!
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The therapist was right but you need to do it in your own time and own way. There is so much to the healing process of this happening (speak from experience) and part of that is expressing how you feel and getting it out of you. Maybe this wasn't the best place to do it cuz now everyone will give their 2 cents, but it is good you said how you feel. Now go deeper and allow yourself to feel the pain, cry and release. Realize what was done was not about you, Your brother and dad are sick and when you begin to understand that, it becomes possible to forgive. God bless.
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I dont blame you for hating them, but please dont let them control you anymore! Find it in yourself to rise above. You are better than how they made you feel. You are in my prayers, God bless you.
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My heart bleads for children who were molested-S
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I'm the original poster. In response to questions/comments: My brother was 16. I only stopped him by kicking him in the balls and running like hell. He had a mental breakdown at 18 and does not remember anything from before the breakdown. My stepfather told me that he heard I was giving it to my brother, so I should give it to him as well. I walked away and didn't talk for two months. The therapist may be right that I need to forgive them, but I haven't gotten to the point in my life where I can as of yet. It's been 14 years now.
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hey.....we are men, oops?
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"Forgive them?" Holy smokes, you need a new therapist fast!
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Forgive them? Are you serious? Switch Therapists!
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To Hell with your brother and stepfather. I'd let go of the hate but never have anything too do with either one of them again. Your completely in the right to loathe them though and I completely understand your feelings. Good luck and this is from a man who would never even think about doing something like this.
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You don't have to forgive, you have more important things to do in life.
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Wonder if your therapist was ever raped?
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Your therapist is an idiot. You don't need to forgive anyone, but you do need to not let their actions define the rest of your life. Put them in the past and move on.
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THERE IS NO FORGINNESS FOR CHIL ABUSE.THE ONLY JUSTICE IS A SHOT TO THE HEAD BANG BANG ALL BETTER
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Don't forgive them. Do it with them and they will remember you!!!
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I'll never forgive the man who hurt me. Ever. If I could get away with it I'd kill him slowly in the most horrible nightmarish fashion. Fuck him. Fuck those that covered for him. May you all rot in Hell.
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It is horrible to be propositioned inappropriately. It is a breach of trust. Dump the therapist and find out that really understands you. To forgive or not forgive is your choice. To move on is to move on only on your terms. I will never "get over" the things that happened. I have moved on.
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Scum bags. It's not your fault but forgive them for you not them they shouldn't hold any signifigance in your life... they don't deserve it."Love your enimies, bless those who are against you, for if you only love those who love you, where is your reward?"
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Forgiving is easy,but Forgetting takes a Lifetime::
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FORGIVING IS EASY,BUT FORGETTING TAKES A LONG,LONG,LONG,LONG,TIMEEEEEEEEE:::
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You waste too much energy on hate, indifference is more in line. Reserve your emotional capital to invest with those who make your life full,- not those who empty it.
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Look they hurt you! and you don't need to forgive them or even like them, but you do need to stop blaming yourself for what they did. They suck! And you are a stronger person then either of them will ever be.
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No
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Hate is such an ugly term;might I suggest "dislike intensely" or "reject completely" instead?"Disown" and "forget them" also come to mind.Your brother, being ill, may deserve consideration; for the stepfather; what he deserves would be messy.
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You have to be ready and you have every right to feel anger and hatred. It is a terrible blow to your self esteem and feelings of self worth. Just try to realize that holding on to the anger and hatred is giving them power to continue to impact your life in a negative way. Forgiveness can take many forms. It doesn't have to be done directly or in person. You can start by writing it down in a letter that never gets sent but it should contain all of your feelings, how it made you feel, what it's done to your ability to trust others, how it's impacted your life both then
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and now. If your therapist is pushing you to forgive them without first expressing to them how angry you feel and how it affected your life, you may want to consider finding another therapist. Eventually though, you will have to find a way to forgive them so you can let go of the past
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If you continue to be angry with them you continue to burden yourself with feelings toward them.
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Therapist, The-rapist....hmmm?
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