Get help. If you don't identify your needs and the patterns in your life, and start working to replace them with something healthy, you may ruin what you have.
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Believe it or not, there are guys out there that are not control freaks. I should know, I'm one of them. It may sound corny, but try going to counseling to help you see what is there and not what you expect to see. If it would help any, try couples counseling so that he can understand your past and help you resolve any issues you may have.
I lost the most caring and loving woman due to the fact that she had been controlled most of her married life and could not understand why I wasn't like that. It made her uncomfortable. She told me goodbye and found herself a man that would control her.
Good luck.
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I'm the OP...I don't want to be controlled, I just honestly don't know what it's like to be in a relationship like this one. I absolutely love it and him. He's is a great man who wants to marry me. My daughter adores him too, and I adore his son. I can see spending the rest of my life with him, but the fear that I'm going to screw it up scares the hell outta me. I most certainly have some trust issues, and for some reason I think since he doesn't try to control me he doesn't care enough. Getting used to being treated right is a huge adjustment. I would appreciate and constructive advise.
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You might be an inverted narcissist. Google it...its a shocker. I finally figured out why I was drawn to controlling jerks who needed constant approval and affirmation.
I broke that habit and am FINALLY in a healthy relationship!! Its WORTH it!!
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Suggesting you go to a counselor IS constructive advice, and pretty much the main piece of advice you need to hear right now. There's no amount of love, realization or magic that's going to suddenly break decades of bad habits....go to a counselor, and take him if he'll go with you, because this is as much about him as you at this point.
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the best advice I can give is to be open with him at all times. A LOT of problems people post here could be solved with a conversation. If he understands where you're coming from, he will be able to help you recognize when you're doing it. Be self aware.
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^2...thank you, I think that's a great idea. Simple, but so very true.
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I am a male in a controlling relationship with a woman in menopause. It's getting to be almost unbearable...I hate it, but I love her. Sometimes I just want to.....scream
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