OP here: We've all known each other for 20+ years. Had even one small circumstance been different, I'd be married to the best friend right now instead of my wife (and probably lusting after my wife in the same way). I wouldn't have even posted the secret here, but the friend has already started showing me signs of her wanting me in the last year and it seems to be ratcheting up every time we're all hanging out.
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then do your marriage a favor and nip it in the bud. This will destroy everything and you'll look back and regret your actions.
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It doesn't all need to be ruined though... it depends on how objective minded you all are. Is there a way you three can sit down and have a talk about it without involving negative emmotions like jealousy? Some people are capable of it. Perhaps it is time you all got on the same page. Sometimes when everyone knows what cards everyone else is holding, the game no longer seems that much fun!
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You need to talk to this "FRIEND" of your wife's and tell her to lay off with the advances because they are making you uncomfortable.
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You need to convence your wife that she wants her. Then have a weekend 3way. All will be happy!
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You have a chance to keep your life, your marriage and several lives intact, and the sad open door to pain and suffering all around. Make sure all of your conversations and body language with both of these women are clear and correct, and in support of your marriage. Do do otherwise will leave you diminished in your own eyes, and worse in most others. Step away from temptation, you will be far better off.
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