if home is so bad, just don't go back.
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yeah, me too. it's like, i love going home, but i know that none of it matters at all. it isn't about hating home. it's about carrying home with you always so that it doesn't matter where you die. the journey has taught you enough that you don't need to go "home" any more because you are always there.
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It sounds like you just made peace with yourself and death. I've done that a long time ago myself. It's kinda cool not being scared of death anymore.
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Sometimes I envy the dead, too. I don't think it's as unusual as most people would like to believe.
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